Current Record

Spring Results

Summer Schedule

Date	Location	Score
Jul 12	Glenview PS	W 19-17
Jul 19	Glenview PS	L 19-15
Jul 26	Eglinton Flats	W 19-17
Aug 3	Wherever	W 18-3
Aug 9	Eglinton Flats	W 18-9
Aug 16	GS Henry	W 19-7
Aug 23	Eglinton Flats	W 19-4
Aug 30	Eglinton Flats	W 19-7
Sept 6	No Game
Sept 13	Eglinton Flats
Click on the score to see the game summary

Staff

- HENS -
Kirsten Bain "Super Bain"
Krista Kilian "AWOL"
Tara McCarville "Wheels"
Claire McGlynn "Colonal Sanders"
Roisin McGlynn "Finger Lickin' Good"
Janet Reid "Planet Janet"
Tracy Ross "Rubber Chicken"
Sue Soliman "Soul Sister"

- COCKS -
Inti Ali "Scoreboard"
Doug Andrews "Smiley"
Garth Chalmers "Jerk Chicken"
Matty Cooper "Baked Chicken"
Ted Everson "Lefty"
Todd Minerson "Jackass"
Brent Wheeler "Plucked"
Graham White "Graham Central Station"

Fowl Links

Current Standings ...
How to do the Funky Chicken ...
Funky Drills ...
Yahoo: Funky Chickens ...
Funky Chicken Art Project ...
Rubber Chicken Paradise ...
Leitch Stock Price ...

chickens have been here since this site was hatched.

COMPLETE AND TOTAL DESTRUCTION August 23rd, 1999 - Win 19-4 No longer are the chickens just a bunch of crazies in great shirts ... now they are a superpower to be reckoned with! Well it's hard to put into words the havoc that was unleashed on poor old team 8B. The chickens certainly put on a clinic that's for sure! With a squad of Rubber Chicken, Scoreboard, Finger Lickin' Good, Plucked, Soul Sistah, Graham Central Station, Colonal Sanders, Interplanet Janet, and Kai - the ringer - the chickens blasted to a 9-0 start before the halftime lazies nipped at their heels. They allowed a whopping FOUR POINTS in the second half as the 8B team almost caught up to them (NOT!). It was a fun game, that was started a little late but due to the efficiency of the scoring prowess, the game even ended early. Nary a bead of sweat could be found on the brows of the powerful poultry come the end of the match, so our heroes graciously stayed longer, deep into the night, unable to let go of the addiction that brings them back to the field every Monday night. Some might say that chasing a little yellow plastic plate around is a total waste of time. But, in this humble reporter's eyes, the beauty, chemistry and grace of a bunch of chickens tearing around the coop, diving, flicking and passing the bee is more art than anything else. The history of the frisbee-playing chicken actually dates back to ancient Hawaii. It is a little known fact that on some of the smaller islands, the locals often assembled a group of 10 hens onto a small imported patch of grass with the single men of the town sitting in a big circle around the lawn. They then tossed in the plate used by the town priest the night before and the first chicken that placed the dirty dish into the hat of the man sitting behind it - the father who owned the hen would offer the man his daughter's hand in marriage. Of course, all the men of the town wanted the most beautiful woman's chicken to place the dish in his hat, so whenever a particularly popular hen grabbed the dish in her beak, all the men would get up on their feet and dance on the spot - flapping their arms like wings, stomping their feet, and, most important of all, clucking like mad - trying desperately to attract the chicken towards them. It is unclear whether or not this grand spectacle actually attracted the hen more, but the silly men certainly gave it their all! This ritual took place every Summer's Monday night for all the anxiously single women and men of the town. More often than not, the sacred bond formed that fateful night between man, woman and chicken, would last forever and ever - well beyond the life span of the heavens above. Today, we honour this age old custom in much the same way. The game we play is really just a metaphor for the symbiotic relationship between man, woman, chicken, frisbee and the motherland - Hawaii. We try our best to preserve this delicate balance in costume, behaviour, and especailly the desire to win the best chicken, or in our case, to be WAY funkier than our opponent. Congratulations to everyone who came out for an excellent first season. But in the meantime - let's go get that TROPHY! BRAWK!

CHICKENS OPEN CAN OF WHOOP-ASS August 16th, 1999 - Win 19-7 What an awesome display of the power of poultry. The poor, poor, helpless opposition. Didn't have a chance. As the chickens rolled into North York, they had one thing on their minds. Kill. Or be killed. It seemed that nothing could free the chickens from their dstiny of bringing their record from a lowly 1-6 up to a respectable 7-7. With poise and confidence the points came easily and fequently. While the hens supplied more of their superior offense and suffocating D, the cocks were up to their usual potency on the coop as well. Colonal Sanders seemed to be in the zone after what seemed to be a long, hard day at the office. Remind me to call her up next Monday afternoon and tell her that all her goldifsh are dead - just to get her back in that killer mood. Scoreboard was a huge factor yet again, driving up and keeping amazing track of the score with the greatest of ease - while looking good doing it! Rubber Chicken also lived well up to her name. This time around, instead of making frequent landings on her ass, she sacrificed her chest in the name of the team. Next time you sit down to a nice juicy breast of chicken, please take a moment to honour Tracy's. Graham Central Station wowed the crowd with his new do, but unbeknownst to the opponents, the stunt was merely designed to to distract the female opponents with his awesome fro. And as one of the unsuspecting victims commented on his funky appearance, he thought to himself "Jean Claude Van DAMN, I'm fine!" Wheels showed up in her well-broken-in shaggin' wagon (by well-broken-in i mean in distance, naturally). It was a good thing for us that the car made it that far, 'cause she really tore up the field scoring many of the points and creating lots of the sideline cheers that should've been made by Steve. Finger Lickin' Good was invaluable out on the field, struttin her stuff like a pigeon but keeping to the funky ways of the fowl. That jackass of a partner of hers didn't show and has been subsequently kicked off the team. Plucked Chicken was out there. Of course he'll never quite be as funky as the rest of us, but we'll let that slide as long as he keeps up beauty performances like last night's. His accuracy and completion percentage really shows how well he handles his disc. Last and almost least is Jerk Chicken. His many years worth of ultimate experince coupled with his awesome combination of intellect and athleticism gives the birds what we sorely need each week: lawn chairs. Unfortunately he forgot them last night so that's all i have to say about that. So now the powerful poultry has only one game left in the regular season. We will take no prisoners in our quest to end on a winning note (mostly because i want to cash in on the possibility of sponsorship from Nike, Gatorade and Swiss Chalet). So congratulations on a job well done, team, but let's not get too excited until the TSSC C League Ultimate Trophy is OURS!! B R A W W K !!!! This was the only chicken picture i could find for this week. Sorry.

BIRDS OF PREY August 9th, 1999 - Win 18-9 A POEM: A funny chicken ate my corn But really I donīt mind My funky friend eats my dinner Every time I dine - by Benjamin Zephaniah Here's the reference

WHO CAN STOP THE CHICKENS? August 3rd, 1999 - Win 18-3 Holy Shitballs - we demolished them! Well, it was bound to happen and finally it did. The chickens of funky descent literally steamrolled their opponents in a decidedly one-sided match. As reports of the annihilation quickly spread throughout the ultimate community, the coaches could be heard to warn each other, saying: "watch out for those chickens - they pack quite a peck!" Your humble authour wasn't present at this latest victory (imagine what the score would've been if i had been there :) ), so I can only specualte as to the carnage that was reaped upon the lowly opposition. Perhaps the most long-awaited event in FC history, Garth made his dramatic return to the field from his suspension for using vulgar language on the field. I haven't seen him yet, but i'm guessing that he's now so dark, he looks black. I can picture Matty running hither and thither, still smiling from the effects of the Phish concert. Newcomers - we'll call 'em chicks for now (NOT to confused with female fowl) - but certainly not rookies, Inti and Kai strutted their stuff with true Funkiness. Hardcore was out there running the coup as usual, playing killer disc and ending up on her ass more than once i'll bet. Planet Janet was truly out of this world flicking and hucking and Ding-up and Chillin' on Garth's magical lawn chairs. Rosh, how she managed to build up enough energy to play a game of ultimate, much less walk, after a weekend of hardcore paddling, portaging, and partying - i'll never know. But she did, and by God, we thank her for it! Tara arrived in yet another of her huge collection of vehicles and proceeded to create some roadkill of her own. You go, girl. So, as I wrap up yet another game summary, i can feel the tears well up in my eyes. I am just so damn proud of this group of chickens, not only for our extraordinary amount of athletic ability, not only because we have the best uniforms in the Western world, not even because of the incredible bonding that occurs each and every time we put or claws in our cleats, but mostly because we are so bloody FUNKY! Great job, team - and with only two more victories, we can reach the penultimate goal of .500 ultimate. Good luck, and we'll see y'all next Monday at the flats! B R A W W W W K ! ! !

ANOTHER VICTORY July 26th, 1999 - Win 19-17 VICTORIOUS! It'll probably take me nearly 2 hours to type this but here goes: There once was a team called the Chickens With Funkiness, the discs we did flick 'em We had a slow start But still have great deals of heart As for the rest of the teams - we will kick 'em. B R R R R R A W K !

THE STREAK ENDS July 19th, 1999 - Loss 19-15 No comment. Well, maybe a little one.Get that wing fixed, Lefty, we need ya!

TWO IN A ROW July 12th, 1999 - WIN 19-17 The game - loaded with controversy - was a spectacular one by the chickens who had an incredible turnout, particularly by the female fowl. In what will forever be known as the "Friendliest Game on Earth," the chickens dominated both the physical and mental aspects of the competition - especially the name-calling. Special mention goes out to Ted Everson, now known as "Lefty", who was killed in action. Oops, no sorry, he just busted up his shoulder real good and wooed the nurses at Sunnybrook with his incredible uniform. Other notables included Hardcore, sick with malaria, still giving 190% and still using her ass as a landing pad. Super Bain used her awesome powers of concentration (was it telekenisis? She'll never tell!) to land some huge grabs. Smiley was in full force spreading the love and the points with equal ferocity, just as Captain Claire, aka "Postal Chick" showered our unworthy opponents with her version of "the love" and then trounced them in the meantime. Planet Janet was out there displaying her incredible talents at maintaining her cool whilst being called a "chick", which, now that i think about it, actually sounds okay what with being a Funky Chicken and all. Anyhoo - she played good disc too. Graham Central Station roared into town and opened a can of whoop-ass on the poor suckers. Actually it was the stench of his shirt that gave him the edge, but we won't talk about that right now. We're all excited to see what vehicle Tara shows up in next week, but are more excited with the incredible concentration skills she displayed upon catching a grab with a member of the opposition screaming in her ear right at the big moment. Sue, magically or otherwise, always seemed to be in the right place at the right time - perhaps she put herself into stealth mode to get behind the lines of defense and make those great grabs. Rosh, another nicknameless chicken, who took a few tries but managed to snare the clincher, played a great game even with a billowing shirt flying capelike behind her. Rounding up the squad is Todd, the ringer, who shall now be called "Jackass" because of his stellar use of vocabulary, played an equally stellar game making huge pulls, crisp passes, and showing some extraordinary stamina. Ease up on the pot and beer, you Jacakass! To summarize, it was a crappy, scrappy game because the other team just didn't know the rules - in fact they were content to "run around all over the place," and to "not call the picks on us because we won't call them on you." But we were keen and strong and we stuck it thru the nail-biter of a finish, as we really seem to enjoy letting our opponents back into the game shortly after half. A strategy simply designed to squash the puny spirits of our opposition! Anyhoo - see you next week at the same shitty-ass field for a rematch against some Deliquent Goldfish... see you there! BRAWK!

WE WIN WE WIN July 5th, 1999 - WIN 18-14 Yes the 6 chickens that came out pulled together and rallied for a hard-fought and hard-sweated victory! Closing out the spring season, we took advantage of their use of the zone defence and pummeled them with our long bombs and wind cutting flicks. Tracy showed us all how soft the field really is by landing square on her ass, and Matty was a little quieter - offering a "Right here buddy!" only a few times during the competition ... Doug (the lovely creature featured below) served up some timely D and had us all looking skywards for his throws. Brent, the shirtless wonder, wowed the crowd by actually considering hacking a butt midway through the second half. He then went on to grease the competitors showing a deft throwing hand and beauty pulls. Sue was in full force distracting the opponents in her "beautiful hawaiian shirt" and making stellar catches left, right and center. Meanwhile, Whitey pulled up the rear, making the hard ones look easy, and the easy ones look like a sack o' bricks had just been thrown his way. Congratulations team!! Current record = 2-6. The next season starts next week and we hope to see some more chickens in the coup so we can poke out yet another victory. Stay tuned for location and opponents for the management has not received that information yet .... BRAWK!

SMILEY